did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
