Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
