Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
