you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
