i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
