I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
a search helicopter?!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
