Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
