is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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