careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
