woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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