are you still at the devil's house?
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
