Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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