My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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