Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
