im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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