saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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