i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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