just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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