Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
