The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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