you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
