Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
