sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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