That's intense
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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