Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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