idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
