just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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