Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
