I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
