we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
