Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
