I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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