You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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