ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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