She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
