i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
