Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
