I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
