Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
