listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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