Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I want her autograph on my taint
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
