i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
