Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
