turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
