Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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