Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
