Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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