Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
