she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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