your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
